years. that's working for me. i like the, the top everything kind of under stated. even down to the mini train. we'll call it that. >> is that mini. >> compared to cardi bs. are you kidding me that's a skirt. >> la roach her stylist there in the background did an amazing job. thank you for watching the late s w >> the south dakota governor defending killing her dog cricket amid growing backlash and suggested president biden's dog should have met a similar fate as her own 14-month-old puppy. ♪ ♪ scooby doo, who shot you? did it happen in a gravel pit?

>> we have to find out who shot scooby-doo. >> i don't think there is much of a mystery here. >> the innkeeper? >> think again. >> this person shot a goat and three horses. come on. >> only one way to find out. scooby, you are alive. >> put the mask back on. i am hiding. >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight... gag, you are it. first, stephen welcomes... ethan hawke and cedric the entertainer. featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert.

♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> stephen: have a seat. thank you very much for being here. welcome, one in all two of the late show. i am your host, stephen colbert. donald trump was back in court today for his new york hush money trial. and in a twist no one saw coming -- he remained conscious. which means he was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this morning when judge merchan held him in contempt of court for violating his gag order. again. again? i've got deja-woohoo!

this morning, trump was fined $1000 for disparaging remarks about the jurors he made on a right wing show, saying, they were "mostly all democrat," and had been picked "so fast. very unfair." plus, they're supposed to be my peers, but i can tell you all of them love their children, and none of them tagged a porn star at a celebrity golf event featuring ray romano. everyone loves him except the porn star who was busy lovin' me. this means trump has violated his gag order for the 10th time. one more and the judge says "the court will have to consider a jail sanction." [cheers and applause] trump could go to rikers island! my condolences to whichever prison guard has to conduct the cavity search.

wear a headlamp. in his contempt ruling, merchan recognized the historic nature of this dilemma, telling trump he didn't want to put him in jail because quote, you are a former president of the united states and possibly the next one as well. yes, no president has ever served jail time, although grover cleveland did spend some time in witness protection as grover cincinnati. today, to explain how trump reimbursed michael cohen for paying off stormy daniels, the prosecution called a new witness -- former trump org corporate controller and geppetto realizing he just stepped on that singing cricket, jeff mcconney. at the trump org, mcconney was tasked with getting michael cohen paid back for the hush money. and he confirmed the checks to cohen came from trump's personal bank account. oh, personal handwritten

checks? amateur move. he should've used zelle. you know their tagline —- zelle. i think it's like venmo with more buttons? mcconney is an expert witness because his time at the trump org dates all the way back to 1987. in fact, mcconney's son justin was the person who basically ran trump's twitter feed before trump learned how to do it himslf, something justin described as "like the moment the dinosaurs learned to open doors in 'jurassic park.'" i'm told we have footage of the moment his staff learned he was doing his own tweets. >> hold on to your butts.

' >> stephen: donald trump isn't always in court, sometimes he's out shaking his moneymaker to pay his legal bills. that's what he did at mar-a-lago this weekend. at an event saturday, donors reportedly paid at least $40,000 to attend. but according to leaked audio, trump complained about having to take so many pictures with donors and told people in the crowd that if they didn't get a picture, it was because they didn't give enough money. hey, donors. ♪ i don't want no scrubs ♪ ♪ a scrub is a guy who won't ♪ ♪ get no pic with me ♪ ♪ hanging by the big shrimp tray ♪ ♪ at the lunch buffet ♪ ♪ waving a dollar at me ♪ thank you. next up, i am doing "wate "waterfalls." trump went on to say that a nearby wedding at mar-a-lago was getting better treatment "because the wedding was paying more per person to be there." there's a wedding that cost more than 40 grand a plate?! i assume the food options are chicken, fish, or the most dangerous game. at the same event, trump paraded some of his potential v.p. picks

on stage, making mostly good comments about them, but also remarks about what he views as their weaknesses. he's picking his vice president bachelor style. i really enjoyed our one-on-one time in the fantasy oval office. marco rubio, will you accept this noose? [applause] speaking of rubio, both he and trump are florida residents, and the constitution says that either the president or the vice president must be from a different state as the electors. leading trump to say that rubio has "a minor florida problem." "a minor florida problem," also what you call it when you have unprotected sex with the poolside d.j. at the tampa bay hilton. about a week later, you have a minor florida problem.

trump also brought out utah senator and business casual gerber baby, mike lee, who got this ringing endorsement -- "i love your haircut!" talk about damning with faint praise. marco, very talented. tim scott, fantastic campaigner. mike, hair. at one point, trump introduced florida representative and coworker responding to rumors that there's cake in the breakroom, byron donalds. donalds is a rising star in the gop, or as trump said -- "somebody who's created something very special politically. i like diversity. diversite as you would say." as who would say? no one in this countray. one attendee was south

dakota governor kristi noem, seen here about to take her dog for a walk. when he introduced her, trump did not mention that she killed her dog, cricket, like a dog. but no one can see her and not think about that story. her memoir isn't out yet, but new excerpts don't make her look flashlight cruella de vil. in a later chapter, noem references president biden's german shepard commander, who service agents, writing -- "what wouldi do if i was president on the first day in office in 2025? thanks for asking. i happen to have a list. the first thing i'd do is make sure joe biden's dog was nowhere on the grounds. commander, say hello to cricket for me." that's your "if i was president" fantasy? what happens if she finds a genie's lamp and gets three wishes? kill a dog, kill a dog, and i guess a time machine. so, i could go back and kill hitler -- 's dog.

[cheers and applause] noem's book isn't just horrifying truths, it's also got some strange lies. when talking about her foreign policy experience, noem writes, "i remember when i met with north korean dictator kim jong un. i'm sure he underestimated me, having no clue about my experience staring down little tyrants -- i'd been a children's pastor, after all." that actually helps. and i know, 'cuz i taught sunday school for three years. that's why i was able to give a purple nurple to muammar gaddafi. turns out, that very believable story about her staring down kim jong un is not true. and noem was confronted about it yesterday by margaret brennan on "face the nation." >> did you meet kim jong il and? as soon as this was brought to

my attention, i certainly made some changes. >> stephen: s, that is why her book is now called "going back and making some changes." turning to business news, this network is for sale, if anyone's feelin' shoppy. after recent exclusive negotiations expired, paramount global's sale process is wide open. that's right, one lucky buyer will get all the paramount properties -- the fbi's, the csi's, blue bloods, the sheldons old and young -- all could be yours if the price is right. oh, you also get "the price is right!" but act fast, because as of this weekend, sony is in talks to acquire paramount.

the deal's not a sure thing yet, but sony is reportedly excited about uniting the studios behind "spider-man" and "mission: impossible." awesome. tom cruise does his own stunts, so if he plays spider-man, he will get himself bit by a radioactive spider and he will go to high school. nobody knows what's going to happen, but just in case, i have a message for my potential new bosses at sony pictures entertainment -- hello, beloved new parent company. i know that acquiring a new media asset means making some tough decisions. and with that in mind, let me just say that i, stephen colbert, loved "madame web." i thought it was great, the way she was a madame, but also web. i can't wait to have a long and

fruitful partnership with the people who decided to make "madame web," a movie about spider-man's uncle's co-worker. now if you'll excuse me, i'm going to listen to some quality music on the go, thanks to my sony walkman! oh, my favorite song -- i love sony, i love sony, i love sony! we've got a great show for you tonight, my guests are ethan hawke and cedric the entertainer. but when we come back, my tech segment -- "cyborgasm!" ♪ ♪ >> announcer: "the late show with stephen colbert" sponsored by... always ultrathin's with rapid dry technology that absorbs two times faster than the leading

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♪ ♪ >> stephen: give it up for louis kato and the late show band. if you enjoy entertainment, you have come to the right place.

one of my guests is cedric the entertainer. if you enjoy birds of prey, ethan hawke will be out here in just a minute. i usually try to stay out of rap beefs. but tonight, i think it's time i finally weigh in and perform my diss track against both drake and kendrick, and it goes a little, something, like -- what's that? i am beng told don't do that and instead do my tech segment, "cyborgasm." the first up on "cyborgasm," people are freaking out after boston dynamics posted a video of one

of their robo-dogs dancing while dressed up in a costume. take a look. ♪ ♪ >> stephen: that is a pretty good costume, but they clearly gave up at the legs. oh, what breed? it's a mix. part bernese, part raytheon cruise missile. but he's fully house trained. in that we have him trained on your house. next, on the "'gazzy," an a.i. priest was quickly defrocked after giving users oddball answers and taking confessions like a 'real' clergyman. not sure if i wanna confess to a machine that can instantly scour your internet history. forgive me father, for i have sinned. i -- spent 5 hours last night

searching "hot mommy feet." the priest in question is father justin who apparently told one user that it was okay to baptize a baby in gatorade. that's true. during baptisms the priest just has to say "i baptise thee in the name of the father, the son, and the riptide rush." father justin was launched by a san diego-based christian group as an interactive educational tool, but things went south after the a.i. insisted that it was a real priest living in italy and performed sacraments. i am-a ready to perform-a you last-a rites. but first, which-a these-a boxes has a traffic light. [applause] speaking of clicking boxes with traffic lights, in order to stay ahead of advancing internet bots, captcha tests are getting

more difficult. and we should prepare for them to get more mentally taxing. fantastic. time to reorder my heart medication. hang on -- jack and jane are on trains going in opposite directions at five and ten miles per hour -- and i will choose to die. [cheers and applause] next up on the "'gasm," a new york couple recently used chat gpt as their wedding planner. weird choice, but the a.i. came highly recommended by the priest. [laughter] next up, you can now buy a flame-throwing robot dog for under $10,000. good news it is completely legal in 48 u.s. states. and completely mandatory in florida. the company lists possible

applications of the new robot as "wildfire control and prevention," "snow and ice removal," and "entertainment." hell yeah! put it in a pit and make it fight sparkles. oh, you're dancing now, aren't you, sparkie? next up in "cyborgasm," an artisan roastery has introduced a coffee blend that was developed by artificial intelligence. i think we have footage of that coffee blend being created. it just saves money if we can recycle a graphic. sony! somebody's looking out for your bottom line! okay? you and me. we will get through this. so, doe this cup-a-robo-joe taste any good?

well, the company says that after blind testing, the blend was perfect and there was no need for human adjustments. it was so good the robot had an orgasm. i am being told we have footage. two for one! sony. call me on my walkman! next up, champagne house moet and chandon has started employing a spraying robot, called the yv01 autonomous vineyard robot. to enhance vineyard work efficiency and safety. because nothing conjures efficiency like the french. jean-pierre, i have returned from my 3-hour lunch. should we pick ze grapes, just skip to 3-hour dinner, or go on strike? but we do have footage of the wine production accident that led the vineyard to embrace safer technology. we'll be right back with ethan hawke. ♪ ♪

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♪ ♪ >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my first guest is an actor, writer, and director you know from "reality bites," "boyhood," and "leave the world behind." please welcome back to "the late show," ethan hawke.

[cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> stephen: nice to see you again. >> this is fun. >> stephen: i am a huge fan of you, flannery o'connor. people are excited and you made a cameo in taylor swift's newest video, right there. that is you, josh charles, post them alone. how did that come about? >> i am very popular. people seek me out. it just happens. josh charles and i were in "dead

poets society" together. there we are. unfortunately, we don't look like that anymore. we got a call, she was releasing an album, "the tortured poets department." i can't imagine what it is like to walk through an airport you have known for 35 years and watch all the young people with their era sweatshirts on and we got something on them. we are going to meet the queen ourselves. we laughed ourselves silly the whole day. we felt like the biggest rock stars in the world. we got to taylor's camp and were like, do you have sushi. i had the best sushi i have ever

had in my life. >> stephen: you have two teenage daughters. did you tell them you are going to do this? >> no, i signed an nda. if i told my daughters, everybody at school would know. when they did find out, the look on their face was one of profound disappointment. don't pay attention to my dad, my dad is an idiot. you should be calling me. taylor belongs to them. i cannot have that on them. >> stephen: you have directed this film called wildcat, which is also the name of a short story by flannery o'connor. what was your introduction to flannery o'connor?

she was my mother's favorite author. i read it to try to understand my mom a little bit. >> my mother was selling college textbooks in atlanta, georgia. she is from fort worth, texas. flannery meant a lot to her and she used to give her short stories to me trying to provoke the inner feminist in me. i was reading kerouac and hemingway. >> stephen: she was trying to get me to read something good. >> you might want to listen to a woman once in your life. you cannot imagine what it was like years after that experience with my mom to have my 17 and 18-year-old daughters come to me and say, have you ever read flannery o'connor and yes, i have.

what does this story mean? it gave maia and i a meeting place. she has a lot of profound questions, serious questions that she does not answer. >> stephen: about just being a human being. the experience of being a human being. >> that is what she writes about and she took her faith to a profound place. she was met with the truth of mortality at a young age. she was diagnosed with lupus at 24, which killed her father quickly. she was not sure whether she was going to see the next christmas. she lived 15 years, but it took her to the deep end of the pool as far as asking serious questions about why we are here, what is love, what is grace, what is the point and what is the society we live and that is

full of hypocrisy and she asks questions that make you deeply uncomfortable. why do really bad people often succeed? why are really good people often ignored. >> stephen: one of the things i really like about the complexity of the characters that she writes, or her view of the characters is that they are not really heroes. there is not really a hero of the story. >> as a reader, it is very disappointing. it is frustrating. we want to see heroes. can i be the good guy? who am i supposed to relate to? she never gives that to you. she never makes it easy in any moral situation, whether it is family, society. she always makes you so uncomfortable. a very pious person will be

fate. an alcoholic will say something profound. >> stephen: the seemingly simple character might have the answer without necessarily knowing it. it is hard to talk about her stories without giving things away because there are surprising dénouement's that can grab you by the heart, if not by the scruff of the neck and rattle you in the last half page. >> that is where we met. i highly recommend her stories. you have the feeling i don't like that story. >> stephen: everything that rises must converge. i don't think i have cried as hard as everything that rises must converge. >> it leaves you with another feeling that you want to read it again. i am upset, but what did it mean. why did she say it that way?

i could talk about everything that rises must converge, let's sit down and order a meal. my daughter brought this to me, it is her passion, that was my mother's passion. having the cross-generational conversation. as an american, flannery holds us to task and forces us to look at a lot of things we are uncomfortable with and looking at the past is difficult now that 70 years have gone by since she was writing. a lot of this is extremely difficult and valuable to look at. i found the process of making the movie and lightning. >> stephen: we have to take a quick break, but stick around. we will be right back with ethan hawke.

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>> stephen: we are back with the director of "wildcat," a new film about flannery o'connor, ethan hawke. have you directed with your daughter before? >> she has acted with me before but i have never directed her. >> stephen: what was that light? did she take direction well? >> i have this expression,

families have fault lines. certain subjects you cannot bring up. tuesday, what grandma said, the whole table will explode. you cannot bring that up. there are certain conversations that you can. if i want to have a good time, we will talk about the dallas cowboys. for us, our safe place is arts. that is where -- this young woman is -- what are we doing? >> stephen: this is a picture of you directing her. >> she is a great musician, a performer, she is an amazing person to be with and to talk about art with. i love that. i was so grateful.

my wife is my producing partner. she brought this idea to us and it felt like an honor and a huge challenge. >> stephen: there are a lot of challenging moments in flannery o'connor between parents and their children. we have a clip here. what do we need to know? >> i am scared to show the clip. this is flannery o'connor. she was a devout young woman and she was at a writers workshop, one of the most stunning -- let's hear it for iowa. the writers that came out of this program, it will blow you away. she was a woman of faith and it was challenging for her in the

scene to set it up. >> i don't know the answer, but i remember as a child i would stand in line to receive the hosts and i always thought of it as the holy ghost. now, i think of the eucharist as a lovely, expressive symbol. >> if it is a symbol, the hell with it. what people don't understand is how much religion costs. they think faith is a big electric blanket when it is the cross. [applause]

>> stephen: thank you for making this a movie. "wildcat" is a movie in theaters now, everybody. we will be back with cedric the entertainer. ♪ things are looking up, i've got symptom relief. ♪ ♪ control of my crohn's means everything to me. ♪ ♪ control is everything to me. ♪ feel significant symptom relief at 4 weeks with skyrizi, including less abdominal pain and fewer bowel movements. skyrizi is the first il-23 inhibitor that can deliver remission and visibly improve damage of the intestinal lining. and the majority of people experienced long-lasting remission at one year. serious allergic reactions and an increased risk of infections or a lower ability to fight them may occur. tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms, had a vaccine or plan to. liver problems may occur in crohn's disease. ♪ now's the time to ask your gastroenterologist how you can take control of your crohn's with skyrizi.

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♪ ♪ >> stephen: all right, i will do it. welcome back everybody to "the

late show." my next guest stars in "the neighborhood." please welcome cedric the entertainer. [applause] >> what's up? >> stephen: nice to see you. that is a nice hat. that is a nice quality hat. >> this is my yellowstone. i just like cows and horses and trucks. >> stephen: i understand you

turned 60. >> 30 dub. >> stephen: i turned 60 and a few weeks. any tips? >> i woke up like a hypochondriac. >> stephen: just scanned me from top to bottom. >> i forgot i had been in vegas drinking. >> stephen: how did that come about, you doing a residency? >> our kids use to date when they were younger and we would chaperone them.

we would hang out, drink a little bit and we became fri friends. as like sonny and cher. it is fun. it is like donny and marie, but doing the stanky leg with it. >> stephen: do you like to place a bet or two? >> that took me from betting altogether. mike likes to play golf and he bets throughout the game and he gets serious. it got out of my pay range. >> stephen: put this together. >> when you play with mike, it is him and all the baseball players and athletes.

at the time i was playing, berkeley was with us. he was like you have to play and i was like, i don't have it. >> stephen: it is cedric the entertainer, not cedric the banker. >> he was like bet anything you want, so okay, $1,000 a hole, whatever. i didn't realize it was 18 of those and i lost every one of them. >> stephen: you are going to be okay because you got picked up for a seven season. congratulations. that is a milestone. what does that mean to you? >> you don't get that in television. the traditional sitcoms to be able to do seven seasons, very excited. got the announcements for a spin-off. we are going to open up the

universe with tracy morgan. >> stephen: "the neighborhood" extended universe. >> it is going to be cool. >> stephen: toni braxton is in the finale. which came first? >> i believe it was the eggs scrambled. i always believed it was the chicken first, let me get on this boat with noah. it was a long boat ride. you know what, i am hungry. it is always one person that cannot take it.

>> stephen: i understand cedric the entertainer wasn't always the name. i love this photo so much. what was your name? can you tell everybody what your name was before cedric the entertainer? >> it was cheerio. like the breakfast cereal. [cheers and applause] >> stephen: given the people what they want, a little flex. >> why did you do mike tomei, i actually got a -- i actually got a cease and desist letter from general mills. tony the tiger was like you are not great. >> stephen: i don't even know if tony the tiger is general mills. >> he is kellogg's. but i got a letter that said

lose the name. there was another name who used to go by kodak. i should have went to the top. >> stephen: now you can afford a good lawyer. you also have a new barbecue business with anthony anderson. >> ac barbecue. >> stephen: what did you br bring? i wish more guests brought residents. >> you can get this at lowe's exclusively. you have a place you can do this, we've got our rugs.

this is the carolina line. this is for you. >> stephen: i approve. all of you get to stick your finger in one bottle. good to see you. forgive my finger. you can catch the finale of "the neighborhood" tomorrow on paramount+. cedric the entertainer, everybody. we will be right back. ♪ ♪

>> stephen: that's it for "the late show." tune in tomorrow when my guests will be tiffany haddish and the creator of "girls5eva," meredith scardino. now stick around for "after midnight" with taylor tomlinson. good night. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] music